| In the old days, a woman married a man who could take care of her and would provide her with the necessities she needed. In modern times, most women have jobs and are financially independent. Men’s role as the breadwinner has lessened now that women no longer marry strictly for financial reasons. Due to better salaries and increased financial security, most modern women have the luxury of being more selective over who they choose for a mate. Finding a well-off husband is no longer as important as it once was. So now that women don’t need providers, what do they look for in a man? In one of the recent articles in the Chicago Tribune reported in this day and age, women are more interested in looks and other qualities as opposed to money. Although a rich man might want a “trophy wife” or girlfriend, studies show that women are much more interested in an attractive man that is also well rounded. Although having a good-looking mate might be a nice quality, often looks are not the first attributes that attract a woman to a man. According to the research done by me Doreen Cohanim C.Ht, women are attracted to men in a much different way than men are attracted to women. I have learned that there are four different levels of attraction: physical, mental, emotional and soul attraction. Both men and women feel these types of attraction, but they usually feel them in a different order. For men, the first type of attraction they feel is physical. A man may like the way a woman looks and based on this quality, he may become interested in her. If after a few dates a man gets to know a woman better, he may develop a deeper attraction on an emotional level. When men develop an emotional attraction, they begin to realize how much they like and care for a certain woman. By talking to her and getting to know her as a person, he may start to like things about her character and develop a mental attraction. If the relationship progresses past the first three levels successfully, a man will feel a soul attraction and begins to open up his heart to the prospect of love. Women, on the other hand, usually feel attraction differently. When a woman is attracted to a man, the first level of attraction is usually mental. There is something about his character that she finds appealing. After spending some time with him, she might find herself emotionally attracted and will start to care about him and what he does. Once she is emotionally attracted to him, she might take a closer look at him and find certain things physically attractive to her. If the situation is right, she will progress to soul attraction, where her heart will be open to the experience of love. Although most potential relationships progress this way, the Chicago Tribune reported a rise in successful women who have much younger “boy-toy” mates. In the article, Dr. John Gray was quoted saying, “The boy-toy thing is really about women who are very powerful and older . . . a younger man who has not formed an identity for himself . . . [and] is much more willing to yield in her direction.” In this situation, a successful woman finds herself a partner based mainly on his physical appearance. But much like the relationship between a rich man and his trophy girlfriend, a relationship between a rich woman and her boy-toy may not have the same fulfilling quality as a one that has all four levels of attraction. In many cases, if a relationship doesn’t fully develop this type of chemistry, the attraction will wear off and the couple will feel like something is missing. The pair will ultimately realize that they do not have much in common and go their separate ways. Now that women no longer need to rely on a man for financial support, they have a greater ability to pick and choose their mates. There are so many other qualities that factor into having a good relationship that many women do not even consider what a man is earning. Whether she is conscious of it or not, a woman relies on the four levels of attraction when deciding if a person is a good candidate for a relationship. In modern times, a woman may even date a man making much less than herself if he has the qualities that she is looking for in a prospective partner. This was almost unheard of fifty years ago when a man was expected to take care of his wife financially. Of course, if a man is dating a woman earning more than he is when he takes her out on dates that don’t mean he should stick her with the tab. |
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